“There are many paths in life. There's the "Hey, you're cute, sure, I'll marry you after graduation and med school" and the "Can you drive Susie to soccer today, 'cause I've got a pediure?" path. And then there's my path, where I found myself 16 and pregnant and I realized "I have to get a job, I…”
“Hey, guys, go on over to the diner and have breakfast with your families, and then ask the nice man in the baseball hat and the flannel shirt to do sock puppets for you. And if he says no, just ask him louder. It’s part of the game!”
“Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there’s no dancing, no walking, and we’d starve. It’d be all work and no play. Have you not seen ‘The Shining,’ Mom?”
“I love pudding. I worship it. I have a bowl up on the mantel at home with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.”
“My life stinks. Hey, let’s look into each other’s eyes and say ‘I wish I were you’ at exactly the same time — maybe we’ll pull a ‘Freaky Friday.”
“This is it. She can finally go to Harvard like she’s always wanted and get the education that I never got and get to do all the things that I never got to do and then I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother-daughter relationship.”
“It’s all any of us wants, to find a nice person to hang out with ‘til we drop dead. Not a lot to ask.”