“I’m on the L train and I’m looking at this girl’s huge engagement ring and I can’t help but think how crazy it is that she had to have met someone—one (1) person—and hung out with them consistently for a long enough period of time until they both sat down and discussed maybe continuing doing what they were doing forever and whoever gave her that ring was like, yes, let me literally spend money on this piece of jewelry that you will wear forever and let’s invite all our friends and family to a celebration of us wanting this to last forever and we will dance and one of our cousins will give us a toaster or a juicer or something and then we will live together and come home to each other every single day for the rest of our lives and your friends will now be our friends and my friends will now be our friends and our families will now be just one family and then we will die.”