“A difficult climb

to a beautiful view—

I don’t like it.

I don’t like the way

you make me go

positively Protestant

all this deferral

up to a future

only you’ve seen

the ascent always leveraged

against an alien payoff

already prescripted.

When we get there

I’ll be dead

tired too tired to view

the view the way

I wanted. I wanted

the way to be beautiful

as a stroll in the hanging

gardens of Babylon

or the wisteria-laden

lanes of the rose garden

in the Bois du Boulogne

as beautiful as a jammed

Sixth Avenue crosswalk

in midtown. I wanted

to be going nowhere

nowhere we know

not to have to breathe

so hard into a future

someone else promised.

I know

reputable studies show

the capacity

to delay

gratification

makes for a happy

person & nation

but oh

I just want

& want now

a perpetual

beautiful stroll

nowhere

I don’t want

to look back

& say ah

that was so

worth it

because even

if it was

it wasn’t.

I don’t want

to keep my head down

for miles alert

for insurgent roots

a falling branch

my legs punctured

by stinging flies

who harry the way

only to be able to say

at some notional

top however beautiful

how beautiful

—& see, no insects here

& why not lunch—

Somehow

it was just

the glorious sun

and twelve islands

inlaid in a lake

& the distant silent

powerboats.

Somehow it was a vision

of all as dust.

If I go

on pilgrimage

I want every age

to be a stage

one can look around

and say how interesting

& yes a cup of coffee

would be nice.

I’m not going anywhere

fast but where

we’re all going”