“I think it's a great day. I ate an egg bagel that Lev's slut made me. I internet-acquired three pairs of very rare Ray Bans. I'm doing awesome.”
More from Michael Zegen
“I got you into this, I’ll see it through the end.”
“I have to sink or swim on my own here.”
“The last time I had to track someone down was to tell Desi Arnaz he gave me the clap.”
“I can’t tell if I’m a genius or an idiot.”