“My ex is meeting my sex. Which is always scary, you know? And not just because you think they might talk about your penis. That's just part of it.”
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“Wouldn’t be mad If you equally distributed my freshman 15 between my boobs and my ass.”
“You think I’m some Jennifer Coolidge character?”
“Emotionally, I’m hanging D.”
“Have you seen Devi when she gets upset? She makes the Hulk look like Kermit.”