“Nothing scarier than a friend texting you he wants to "talk about stuff."”
More from Mindy Kaling
“Wouldn’t be mad If you equally distributed my freshman 15 between my boobs and my ass.”
“You think I’m some Jennifer Coolidge character?”
“Emotionally, I’m hanging D.”
“Have you seen Devi when she gets upset? She makes the Hulk look like Kermit.”