“Hey, I didn't go looking for trouble. Trouble came-a-knockin' and Bobby Hill's foot…”

“I'm gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it.”

“My first ex-wife's name is Tammy. My second ex-wife's name is Tammy. My Mom's name is…”

“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are useless.”