“[shopping for condoms] Toby: Did you see the Pina Colada flavored? J.T.: Yeah! Too bad…”

“J.T.: The way I see it, there are some upsides to love—Emma gets the day off, Simpson…”

“I'm fine, 'Mom'! So go back to sipping your blood and leave me alone!”

“The hardest part about seeing someone you love in pain is not being able to do anything…”