“The guilty realization hadn't yet come to me during all those years in Atlanta I was masquerading, playing a false-faced, false role, involving the hopes and lives of others in my sham. I hadn't been a conscious hypocrite, or consciously dishonesty. Nor had I won my position friends, the trust of my partner and associates, the love of Kate and her family, by any spurious pretensions which they or my own gospel-preaching father could have deemed devious or dishonorable. The guilt lay in the fact that I'd had no right to seek or try to win, or to accept a share in all those bright and shining toys unless i knew they were the toys I wanted–unless I knew I wouldn't break or burn them. For they were more than toys to all these other people...I was being false, and worse than false to inner dream that had dominated my childhood and adolescence, and that sooner or later, for good and bad, would dominate my life.”