“I've got an idea for sweat shops: Air Conditioning! Problem solved.”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: Stand-UP, comedy, humor
“You know when you go into a bar and you want to wash your hands, so you go to the bathroom, and they don't have any hot water? You turn on the C knob, cold water comes out, you turn on the H knob, cold water comes out! It's like, fuck, you cheap bar! But I can accept that, but I just want to know wh…”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: Stand-UP, comedy, humor
“I saw a lady on T.V. She was born without arms. Literally, she was born with her hands attached to her shoulders... and that was sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't.'" And that to me was kinda worse... In a way... Y'know? Not only does she not have arms, but s…”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: humor, Stand-UP, comedy
“I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: humor, Stand-UP, comedy
“If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: humor, Stand-UP, comedy