“I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the fucker gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the fucker gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it!"”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: humor, Stand-UP, comedy
“If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. "Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!"”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: humor, comedy, Stand-UP
“When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: Stand-UP, comedy, humor