“I was gonna stay overnight at my friend's house, he said "You're going to have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity. Got me again!”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: humor, Stand-UP, comedy
“I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. Because that's the maximum amount of time you can picture yourself having fun in an above-ground pool. If it was 31 seconds, the actor would say "The water is only up to here? What do I do now? Throw the ball back to Jimmy? Or put…”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: humor, Stand-UP, comedy
“I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what the hell they were.”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: humor, Stand-UP, comedy
“You know when it comes to racism, people say: " I don't care if they're black, white, purple or green"… Ooh hold on now: Purple or Green? You gotta draw the line somewhere! To hell with purple people! - Unless they're suffocating - then help'em.”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.comTagged: Stand-UP, comedy, humor