“Careful the things you say, Children will listen. Careful the things you do, Children will see. And learn. Children may not obey But children will listen. Children will look to you For which way to turn, To learn what to be. Careful before you say, "Listen to me." Children will listen.”— Stephen Sondheim, imdb.com
“Me: *pulls over for an ambulance* 3-year-old: No. Race! She's never getting her license.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“5-year-old: Dad, did you ever learn to tap dance? Me: No. 5: *looks at me like I've wasted my life*”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“3-year-old: What happened to you? Me: What are you talking about? 3: *whispering* What happened? Now I'm concerned.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“[in the car] 5-year-old: Go faster. Me: Don't be a backseat driver. 5: Then let me up front.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“My 3-year-old learned to say, "Just kidding." I just wish she didn't say it after "I love you.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“Me: What did you learn at school today? 5-year-old: Boring stuff I didn’t want to know. Me: Maybe you'll learn something fun tomorrow. 5: I already learned all the good stuff.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“[pig loses a baby tooth] 5-year-old: Now the tooth fairy will come! Me: I don't think the tooth fairy comes for pigs. 5: She does, but the money goes to me.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“My 5-year-old called the frost on the car "frosting" and I just realized her world is 1,000 times better than mine.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“3-year-old: *squeezes stuffed unicorn* Me: You don't have to hug it so hard. 3: I'm getting its powers.”— James Breakwell, twitter.com
“Many people think the issue is 'bad' orphanages versus 'good' ones. Institutionalisation is ALWAYS harmful to children.”— J. K. Rowling, twitter.com
“People who delight in torturing defenseless children or tiny creatures are in reality insane.”— Akira Kurosawa, amazon.com
“Two brothers are talking about life, Bro 1: Why do you think I ended up with 9 kids and you have none. Bro 2: That's because I use the safe period. Bro 1: What's the safe period? Bro 2: When you're at work.”— Seth7131, reddit.com
“The voluntary spilling of semen outside of intercourse between man and woman is a monstrous thing. Deliberately to withdraw from coitus in order that semen may fall on the ground is doubly monstrous. For this is to extinguish the hope of the race and to kill before he is born the hoped-for offspring…”— John Calvin, amazon.com
“God promised by the mouth of Isaiah that queens should be the nursing mothers of the church.”— John Calvin, amazon.com