“I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.”— Mitch Hedberg, youtube.com
“I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and as a range loves braes. I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong.”— Lemony Snicket, amazon.com
“I don’t even want a boyfriend. I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time, and thinks I’m the best person in the world, and wants to have sex with only me.”— Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath, amazon.com
“It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.”— Frank Drebin, amazon.com