Latest Quotes

“We’ve been taught by our elders and the culture around us so many things about life, about ourselves and others that simply aren’t true. We act out this programming even when we intuitively know it’s not true. So powerful is our modern day worship of the intellect that we’ll consistently let even ou…”

— Bryan Reeves, Tell the Truth, Let the Peace Fall Where it May: How Authentic Living Creates the Passion, Fulfillment & Love You Seek

“Living your truth is what you came to this planet to do. Life will take care of the rest, as peace magically falls where it may.”

— Bryan Reeves, Tell the Truth, Let the Peace Fall Where it May: How Authentic Living Creates the Passion, Fulfillment & Love You Seek

“Do you know who you really are? Your ancestors are the stars. You are, quite literally, conscious stardust.”

— Bryan Reeves, Tell the Truth, Let the Peace Fall Where it May: How Authentic Living Creates the Passion, Fulfillment & Love You Seek

“As a public figure, I have never considered doing any online dating. I always figured there was a chance someone who was a stalker type would use it as an opportunity to kidnap and murder me… Maybe my stalker (probably an Indian dude) sees my profile and thinks, Oh, here’s that comedian guy on OkCup…”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“On that note, it is fairly common knowledge that nothing gets a girl more turned on than a bowling lounge. Between watching fat guys tossing bowling balls and the dulcet tones of The Simpsons arcade game, I can’t image those encounters not ending in a marathon boning session.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“Japan has not only a huge sex industry but also what some have dubbed a ‘relationship replacement’ industry that provides everything from ‘cuddling cafes’ (where clients pay for things like pats on the head, eye contact, and ear cleaning with a Q-tip) to full-on sex robots that are built to last for…”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“Sometimes there’s another reason that people take so long to text you back: They aren’t playing mind games or busy. They’re just GOOGLING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blear…”

— Lemony Snicket, The End (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 13)

“You know how we’ve been hanging out all the time, spending a lot of time together? I wanna keep doing that 'til you’re dead. Put this ring on your finger so people know we have an arrangement.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“If someone lies and says they are dating someone or they are moving to another town soon, you don’t feel rejected, because it’s no longer about you… So I guess what I’m saying is the next time someone asks you out and you aren’t interested, the nicest thing you can do is write back: ‘Sorry, can’t do…”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.”

— Lemony Snicket, The End (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 13)

“I love you, but today, part of me feels like I’m buying a Honda Accord.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.”

— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events (13 Book Series)

“Spend more time with people, less time in front of a screen, and—since we’re all in it together—be nice to people.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“How do we figure out when to call, when to text, and when to just drop everything, stand outside someone’s window, and serenade them with your favorite nineties R&B tune, perhaps ‘All My Life’ by K-Ci & JoJo?”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“One girl raved about a nice voice mail a guy had recently left her. I kindly requested she play it and heard this gem: ‘Hey, Lydia. It’s Sam. Just calling to say what’s up. Gimme a ring when you get a chance.’ THAT WAS IT.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.”

— Lemony Snicket, A Series of Unfortunate Events (13 Book Series)

“My perfect date night: I pick you up. In my Kia Sorrento. You get in. There’s candles in the car. You go ‘Is that dangerous?’ and I go, ‘Yes… but I like danger.’ We go to your favorite restaurant, and we have a fantastic meal. We come outside and we see my car’s on fire. You go, ‘Aziz, your car’s on…”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“I’m in a situation with this girl that’s as hopeless as overthrowing the Bush administration.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance

“I once met someone who found his wife by using Match.com and searching— and this is a direct quote— ‘Jewish and my zip code.’…that’s how I would go about finding a Wendy’s.”

— Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance