“Guys don’t care what you do. A guy could be talking to two women at a party, and one is beautiful and just won the Nobel Prize in Literature, and the other is just slightly hotter and like, has a job interview at H& M in the morning. And 10 times out of 10, you know how that’s going to go.”
More from Amy Schumer
“The key is to never ever let them sleep over.”
“The key is to never ever let them sleep over.”
“I shit myself in Austin while I was going for a walk recently.”
“When you turn 30, this really cool thing happens where your metabolism goes, 'Later,…”