“The first time I masturbated, it was actually unintentional. I was 11 years old and in a swimming pool with a friend. I didn't really get what happened but I became a really big fan of water afterwards. Showers, pools—basically all running water. Shower heads are definitely the way to go, but a few years back I got really paranoid that the constant jet of water would desensitize my vagina, so I gave it up. I love it, but I have no interest in having a paralyzed pussy. Today, I rely on my boring fingers. Usually, I think about things like roller skating on some cloud and then falling down onto a total stranger's dick—a guy who just so happened to be waiting there with a huge boner.”