Fred: Boo!

Elizabeth: Ahhh!

Fred: Hello, Snotface! Yuck! What happened to you? Look at you. You’re all older. You’re even uglier. Uch. I’m sorry. I’m gonna have to be sick all over you immediately. Lie down.

[Pushes Elizabeth down on the bed]

Fred: Hang on. Where’s all the dolls?

Elizabeth: [Whispers] Drop Dead Fred.

Fred: Where is the dolls?

[Throws dolls at Elizabeth]

Fred: I wanna play with the—ah-HA! The dolls! Hello, Jemima. Hello, Angelec.

[Makes the dolls say ‘Hello.’]

Fred: You’re gonna die!

[Screams and hits Jemima’s head against the door. Bites off Angelec’s head. Throws dolls]

Fred: Mr. Pooh!

[Makes Mr. Pooh say ‘Hello.’]

Fred: You die, too!

[Makes Mr. Pooh say ‘No no no.’]

Fred: Yes yes yes.

[Screams and rips Mr. Pooh’s stuffing out while throwing the stuffing at Elizabeth]

Fred: [Makes Mr. Pooh scream ‘No! My intestines. Not my intestines!’]

[Spits on Mr. Pooh]

Elizabeth: [Whispers] I must be dreaming.

More from Carlos Davis

View all quotes →