“A particularly problematic form of avoiding is complaining to a third party instead of to the person with whom you’re upset. It makes you feel better, but puts the third party in the middle with no good way to help. They can’t speak for you, and if they try, the other person may get the idea that the problem is so terrible that you can’t discuss it directly. On the other hand, if they keep quiet, the third party is burdened with only your partisan and incomplete version of the story.”