“This place is so many nonsensical things, but it’s never a snooze, which is why anyone who considers themselves existentially bored ought to consider moving here right away. We have entertainment and anxiety in spades — and not an emotional offbeat in sight. We’d welcome you with stiff, crossed arms and the humble request that you kindly move aside because we’re walking here. Just make sure you don’t arrive without a paying job, a shitload of optimism and a pack of Lifesavers worth of coping mechanisms to get you through the weeks when it runs dangerously low.”