“No guy will ever admit to having a small penis. I just went on the record. I might be one of the smallest guys in the world. I had a trip to the doctor when I had an anal fissure. My asshole was a mess. I’m lying there on this doctor’s table, and my penis, I mean, it was inside itself, like a turtle’s head poking backward. It was so fuckin’ embarrassing. Who the fuck’s going to admit to something like that?”