“Homer: Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um... let's see, poison.
Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
Bart: Poison pizza.
Homer: Oh no, I'm not making two stops.”
More from John Swartzwelder
“Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel.”
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“Everything lasts forever.”
“Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”