“Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.”
More from John Swartzwelder
“Y'ello? You'll have to speak up. I'm wearing a towel.”
“Marge: Homer, I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us. Homer: Sorry, Marge. Some…”
“Everything lasts forever.”
“Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”