“Bobby, I didn't think I'd ever need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn't. Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.”
More from Johnny Hardwick
“I'm all jacked up on America right now! Anyone want to hear me recite the Constitution?”
“I hear Mega Lo Mart is taking bids for a rat problem. Boy, that'd be a sweet gig. I could…”
“Get away from my wife or next time I'll aim for the mannequin and hit you.”
“I don't mean to sound racist, but this by far is the best selection of beans I have ever…”