“Last night after a box of key lime wine and some shame-spiraling, I decided to give all my Barbies perms. Some of them don't have the face for it.”
More from Meredith Scardino
“Dolphins are rapists. Look it up.”
“All burps smell bad. They're the farts of the face.”
“Kimmy Schmidt: I'm never gonna get my high school diploma! I need Dong. Titus Andromedon:…”