“I can't tell you what hotel I'm stayin' in, but I can say that there are two trees involved. They said, "Let's call this hotel 'Something...Tree'," So they had a meeting; it was quite short.
"How 'bout Tree?"
"No, Double Tree."
"Hell yeah! Meeting adjourned!"
"I had my heart set on 'Quadruple Tree'... damnit, we were almost there!"”
More from Mitch Hedberg
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having.”
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good…”
“You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going…”
“I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a woman who would get really angry if she heard me…”