“You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.”
More from Mitch Hedberg
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having.”
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good…”
“I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a woman who would get really angry if she heard me…”
“Is a hippopotamus really a hippopotomus or just a really cool opotamus?”