“When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy so they start a waiting list, they say, "Dufrene, party of two, table ready for Dufrene, party of two."
And if no one answers they’ll say the name again: "Dufrene, party of two."
But then if no one answers, they’ll move on to the next name. "Bush, party of three."
Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry.”
More from Mitch Hedberg
“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having.”
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good…”
“You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going…”
“I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a woman who would get really angry if she heard me…”