“I'm not your 5 minute cigarette break, you cannot light me up whenever you're in the mood, and put me out when you're tired of me.”
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“It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.”
“When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.”
“What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck? You…”
“Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.”