“I've put off telling my mother I'm depressed and need help. Cause i'm afraid she'll be angry I'm not the perfect daughter she thinks I am.”
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“It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.”
“When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.”
“What do you say to a drunk who walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck? You…”
“Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.”