There’s Kellyanne Conway. Man, she has the perfect last name for what she does: Conway.
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Republicans aren’t easy to make fun of you know it’s like shooting fish in a Chris Christie. But I also want to make fun of Democrats. Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a wa…
It’s 2018 and I’m a woman, so you cannot shut me up, unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000. Michael you can find me on Venmo under my porn star name Reince Priebus. Brian’s just gave a thumbs up, okay.
I actually really like Sarah. I think she's very resourceful, but she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Maybe she's born with it; maybe it's lies. It's probably lies.
Like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with the Trump, let’s get this over with.
There’s a lot of print media here there’s a ton of you guys but I’m not gonna go after print media tonight because it’s illegal to attack an endangered species.
We’ve got our friends at CNN here. Welcome guys, it’s great to have you. You guys love breaking news, and you did it, you broke it! Good work!
Ivanka Trump was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she’s about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons.
Al Franken was ousted. That one really hurt liberals. But I believe it was the great Ted Kennedy who said, 'Wow! That’s crazy! I murdered a woman!'
I did work at Bear Stearns in 2008 so, although I haven’t been sexually harassed, I’ve definitely been fucked. Yeah, that whole company went down on me without my consent and no man got in trouble for that one either.
They were like ‘A woman’s probably not gonna jerk off in front of anyone, right?’ And to that I say: Don’t count your chickens.
Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay. Mike is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks mmm.
A lot of you might not know who I am. I’m 32 years old, which is a weird age — 10 years too young to host this event, and 20 years too old for Roy Moore.
It is kind of crazy the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia when the Hillary campaign wasn’t even in contact with Michigan.