Quote
Catalog

Quotes tagged ‘Political Jokes’

(22 total)

Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay. Mike is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks mmm.

— Michelle Wolf, youtube.com

A lot of you might not know who I am. I’m 32 years old, which is a weird age — 10 years too young to host this event, and 20 years too old for Roy Moore.

— Michelle Wolf, youtube.com

Biden: Trump better not get in my face...cos I'll drop kick that motherfucker.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Biden: You thinking what I'm thinking? Obama: What now B Biden: Let's leave shit in all the toilets.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Joe: IDK about you and Michelle, but I'm taking my curtains with me. Barack: Joe we have to- Joe: Taking the bath towels too.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Biden: I found a cool new apartment for us downtown. Obama: Joe...Michelle and I are- Michelle: [covers Obama's mouth] are so excited.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Obama: Did you replace all the toiletries with travel size bottles? Biden: He's got tiny hands Barack, I want him to feel welcome here.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Joe: I hid all the pens from Trump. Obama: Why? Joe: Because he's bringing his own Pence.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Obama: Didn't think he'd be late. Biden: I gave him the wrong address. Obama: Joe he's the president- elect. Biden: IDGAF what they call him.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Obama: Joe, why are still holding my hand. Biden: I wanna freak Mike Pence out. Obama: But why? Biden: Just roll with it.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Joe: I'm going to ask Donald if he wants something to eat. Barack: That's nice, Joe. Joe: And then I'm going to offer him knuckle sandwiches.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Biden: Showed Trump the drone strike controls in your top desk drawer. Obama: That's an Etch-A-Sketch Biden: Yup

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Obama: Welcome Donald Trump to the White House Joe. Biden: Imma point at'em to assert my dominance. Obama: Please just welcome him.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Joe: I challenged him and Pence to a lil game of 2v. 2. Winner gets the crib. Barack: Joe if you say another word, I swear to God.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Biden: Ideally I'd like to include traps from all of the Home Alone movies, but we've only got two months so the Home Alone 2 plan is fine.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Joe: Let's be eating burritos when he turns up. Obama: Joe Joe: And be wearing massive sombreros Obama: Ok but what about the orange face paint?

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Joe: Now when they say you are in the presidential cabinet, that does not mean you are literally inside a cabinet. Pence: Why would I think that? Joe: I'm trying to help you.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Caller: Is this the Krsuty Krab Obama: Joe hang up.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

Biden: Wait until realizes I programmed everything in Spanish. Obama: Joe you wild.

— Petty Memes, facebook.com

To put it quite simply, there is nothing dumber or duller than any party's political conventions and less to do with reality.

— Lewis Black, twitter.com

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