“If God were a vehicle, what kind of vehicle would he be? An ice cream truck, because he brings joy to those who discover Him, but people who follow Him too closely are usually pedophiles.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike, until I realized the Lord doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and asked Him to forgive me instead.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“A friend of mine was a junkie until he found God. The day he overdosed, of course.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Why did God make man before He made woman? Because He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“According to the Bible, God killed 2,391,421 people and Satan only killed 10. Anyone else think we might be following the wrong guy?”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“God used to create universes and flood the entire Earth. Now he appears on toast. Anyone else less than impressed with the Almighty’s recent behavior?”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“If God is everywhere always...he’s spending a lot of time hanging out in strip joints. Filthy bastard!”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“How do you teach a bunch of kids about God—who He is, and what He does? Gather them all in a classroom. Then never show up.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Why is it that when you talk to God, it’s called praying? Whenever God talks to me, they call it schizophrenia.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“They say that when you die you become closer to God. Because you no longer fucking exist, right?”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“My husband and I divorced for religious reasons. He thought he was God. I didn’t.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Bacon proves God has a sense of humor. He invents the greatest meat in the world, then bans His chosen people from eating it.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“How is God just like a regular man? If you’re not on your knees, he’s not interested.”— Unknown, tcat.tc
“Why did God make Adam before Eve? Everyone needs a rough draft before they make the final copy.”— Unknown, tcat.tc