Quotes tagged ‘Comebacks’

(53 total)

“Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor.”

“You always bring me so much joy...as soon as you leave the room.”

“There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.”

“Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?”

“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.”

“You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”

“The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.”

“I was pro-life. Then I met you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t get that. I don’t speak bullshit.”

“Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you’re an idiot.”

“I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.”

“Please, keep talking. I only yawn when I’m super-fascinated.”

“Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.”

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.”

“If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.”

“Please, save your breath. You’ll probably need it to blow up your next date.”

“Good story, but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?”

“Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.”

“Can you die of constipation? I ask because I’m worried about how full of shit you are.”

“Remember that time I said I thought you were cool? I lied.”