Quotes tagged ‘Comebacks’

(53 total)

“Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you’d gotten enough oxygen at birth?”

“Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?”

“I don’t know what your problem is, but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.”

“I can’t help imagining how much awesomer the world would be if your dad had just pulled out.”

“You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.”

“I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.”

“I’m trying my absolute hardest to see things from your perspective, but I just can’t get my head that far up my ass.”

“Someday you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.”

“Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Bad idea in your case.”

“If you’re waiting for me to care, I hope you brought something to eat, ‘cause it’s gonna be a really long time.”

“The ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.”

“Listen to the comeback. ‘Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called. They're running outta you.’”

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.”