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Quotes tagged ‘Lawyer Jokes’

(34 total)

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, it wants to cluck defiance.

— Anonymous, reddit.com

Q: Why is Washington, DC full of lawyers and New Jersey full of toxic waste dumps? A: Jersey got first choice.

— Anonymous, reddit.com

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.

— Anonymous, ais.org

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.

— Anonymous, ais.org

Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes? A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.

— Anonymous, lawyer-jokes.us

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, lawyers only screw us.

— Anonymous, lawyer-jokes.us

Q: How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside? A: A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets.

— Anonymous, lawyer-jokes.us

Q: What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Good morning, Your Honor.

— Anonymous, mit.edu

Q: How does an attorney sleep? A: First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

— Anonymous, brainden.com

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

— Anonymous, brainden.com

Q: What do a lawyer and sperm have in common? A: They both have a one in a million chance of being human.

— Anonymous, www1.udel.edu

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.

— Anonymous, www1.udel.edu

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control? A: Their personalities.

— Anonymous, www1.udel.edu

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? A: In the cemetery.

— Anonymous, iciclesoftware.com

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure? A: The bucket.

— Anonymous, iciclesoftware.com

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy.

— Anonymous, iciclesoftware.com

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar? A: The pronunciation.

— Anonymous, iciclesoftware.com

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God? A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

— Anonymous, iciclesoftware.com

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

— Anonymous, iciclesoftware.com

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