Quotes tagged ‘Lawyer Jokes’

(34 total)

“Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time.”

“Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, it wants to cluck defiance.”

“Q: Why is Washington, DC full of lawyers and New Jersey full of toxic waste dumps? A: Jersey got first choice.”

“Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.”

“Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.”

“Q: What’s wrong with lawyer jokes? A: Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.”

“Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, lawyers only screw us.”

“Q: How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside? A: A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets.”

“Q: What do you say to a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Good morning, Your Honor.”

“Q: How does an attorney sleep? A: First he lies on one side, and then on the other.”

“Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.”

“Q: What do a lawyer and sperm have in common? A: They both have a one in a million chance of being human.”

“Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.”

“Q: What do lawyers use for birth control? A: Their personalities.”

“Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? A: In the cemetery.”

“Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure? A: The bucket.”

“Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy.”

“Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar? A: The pronunciation.”

“Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and God? A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.”

“Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.”