Quotes tagged ‘Puns’

(454 total)

“'That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked: 'because they lessen from day to day.'”

“No wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.”

“Jelly donuts are my jam hahaha.”

“Oof. I am knee deep in Oscars' rehearsals. Why, oh why did I ask for a wading pool...”

“Happy 4th of July! Hope your day is a blast, but not literally.”

“Tomorrow is my first day of shooting as Count Olaf. I'd cross my fingers but I can't trim my nails. #unfortunate”

“Want to hear a construction joke? I'm working on it.”

“Like a German vegetarian, I feared the wurst.”

“My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.”

“Two mallards walk into a bar, the third one ducks.”

“I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but it doesn't matter, none of them work.”

“Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.”

“I removed the shell from my racing snail to make him go faster, but if anything it made him more sluggish.”

“Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.”