Quotes tagged ‘Sex’

(1968 total)

“I get letters from couples whose sex life has died and they don't know why. Hidden resentment can be one cause.”

“Hope you haven't let another hump day slip through your fingers though I suppose slippery fingers are an indication of something.”

“Can't decide between watching World Series or GOP debate? That's easy, turn TV off and stare into each other's eyes.”

“If you're single and going to wear a risque costume on Halloween make sure it has a little pocket to hide a condom.”

“Some people are voting today. Some people are having sex. They're not mutually exclusive but not in the polling booth, please!”

“Today's National Sandwich Day and no I don't recommend threesomes even on a day like today.”

“If you have an STD, the deadly HIV or another, you must tell your partners. If you don't have the courage, then masturbate.”

“Couples should talk about how often they want to have sex and then try to meet whatever goal they agree on. Communication is key.”

“Did you get the deal you wanted on Black Friday or Cyber Monday? Just remember that orgasms are free and always available!”

“Happy Festivus, the day where everyone is encouraged to do a little pole dancing!”

“If you're making New Year's resolutions about sex, make them realistic. I don't want you to be disappointed.”

“Saying you'll do entire Kama Sutra probably won't happen but trying one or two new positions can really help your sex life.”

“And what's stopping these people from masturbating before they get in their car? Maybe it's time they got their own place, no?”

“I always said masturbation was the only truly form of Safe Sex but with people masturbating in cars, no longer true.”

“Guys if you put in as much anticipation into Val Day that you do the Super Bowl I guarantee you'd score more points w/the ladies.”

“With all these layers people are wearing a friendly game of strip poker might have to go into OT!”

“They're predicting a blizzard for the East Coast. Hope you've all stocked up on condoms!”

“You could hurt your back shoveling snow so make love before you head out the door.”

“OK the earth wasn't shaking in NJ and Maryland because of great sex, it was sonic booms. Doesn't mean it couldn't happen. Go for it!”

“Valentine's Day is in the middle of the President's Day weekend this year. I suggest using a different position each of the 3 days.”