28 Humorous Life Facts From Jenna Marbles Guaranteed To Make You Laugh

“Don’t ever, ever, ever give up. You’re here for a reason. Even if it’s just to look at cats on the internet. You’ll figure it out.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“Nothing says ‘Call me later’ like puking up your ceasar salad on him.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“99.9 percent of the time I will talk to anyone who comes up to me, and I am super nice. But as soon as your penis touches my butthole without me knowing, then I’m not happy.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“I just wanted to let you know that if I die and then maybe you die we will have a ghost party and I would make you all of your favorite flavor jello shots and we would get ghostface wasted because thats how much I love you.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“When I’m feeling sad, or lonely, and I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know where I’m going, I imagine the Cool Awesome Future Version of Myself just telling my present self, ‘It’s okay. You just gotta grab that giraffe by the ears and ride it on out.’”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“You don’t have to be better. You just have to be you.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“James Franco looks like someone my vagina would want to be friends with.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“Always talk to him about your period. Guys love that! Because they don’t have periods! The curiosity will just kill them.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“Girls fucking hate each other for no reason.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“People keep telling me, ‘I have to do this; I have to do that.’ Motherfucker, I don’t have to do anything!”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“People keep telling me, ‘I have to do this; I have to do that.’ Motherfucker, I don’t have to do anything!”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“Your head and your face are stupid. That’s why we broke up.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“And the problem is that there aren’t that many girls out there that are willing to put themselves out on a limb and say ‘Hey, I like you’ because girls are even more scared of rejection.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“You gotta stop forcing relationships. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, just be like, ‘Cool, see ya never, bye!’”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“I fully respect and support everyone’s right to stalk others via the internet.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“Let me drop a cold, hard fact on you: There’s no bigger turn on than when a guy has a shameless animal voice. ‘Hey there, Mr. Doggie. Hi!’ What was that sound? That’s the sound of me throwing my underwear across the room. Let’s bang.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“You might as well get some cats and call it quits.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“If you don’t like puppies and kitties and animals and that stuff, enjoy the rest of your life…without a soul.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“Girls are majestic fucking creatures.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“In order to find out who you are, you will, at some point, have to feel really isolated, left out, different.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“As weird and awful and terrible as it may seem to be yourself sometimes, it will always reward you.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“If you’re a girl and you don’t have any level of girl crushes on a girl, you’re just fucking lying to yourself.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“You know what they say about guys with big feet: ‘Have sex with me.’”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“If you’re thinking of going with a more natural look, let’s be serious. You’re too ugly for that.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“I can’t wait to get fat and eat whatever I want.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“One time I grew into an adult and it really sucked.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“On sex: ‘Unless I just scored a touchdown for a flag football team, don’t spank my ass.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“Sharks are here all the time, not just one week!”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“There’s no cure for ugly, but you can make yourself into a human optical illusion.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com

“I have to deal with the consequences of being a drunk fucking idiot.”

— Jenna Marbles, jennamarblesblog.com