I love myself but I don't like the way I am.
Catalog
Quotes tagged ‘Funny Quotes’
Look at those horny horny hippos.
— Berkley Johnson, Ann Acacia Kim, Lamar Woods, Nick Miller, Jake Johnson, imdb.com
Why do the French eat snails? Because they don’t like fast food!
What did 50 Cent say on National Ice Cream Day? Go shawty, it’s sherbert day!
What do you call friends you meet at culinary school? Taste buds!
What’s Adele’s favorite dessert? Jello from the other side!
Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? I’m not telling you. You might spread it!
What did Taylor Swift say to the melon? Look what you made me dew!
What do you say to a herb that’s running late? It’s about thyme!
I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest... It's his altar ego.
I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they were. It was chess nuts bragging in an open foyer.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
Do you find me sexy? Ohhhh, look at my tit-ays.
— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com
Austin Powers: Did you just soil yourself? Fat Bastard: Maybe? It did sound a little wet, didn't it? Right at the end. Let's have a smell alright. Ohh wafting, wafting. Ohh everyone likes their own brand, this is magic. Alright analysis... It smells like carrots and throws up. Ohh that could gag a m…
— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com
Come here I'm going to eat you. I'm bigger than you I'm higher on the food chain. Get in my belly!
— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com
Of course, I'm not happy. Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you. I've got more chins than Chinese phone book. I've not seen my willy in two years which is long enough to declare I'm legally dead.
— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com
Here's my diaper. I think I might have pinched one off too soon. [Sniffs diaper] Oh ya, I left a rosebud in there for ya.
— Mike Myers, Michael McCullers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com
Listen missy, do you fancy another go? Because once you've had fat you never go back.
— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com
Dr. Evil, let me make you a deal alright? You keep the mojo, you keep the money. And I'll get your baby [while smacking lips].
— Michael McCullers, Mike Myers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com
First things first, where's your shitter? I've got a turtle head poking out. I'm not kidding I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Christ I'm getting all emotinoal from it, ya know?
— Mike Myers, Michael McCullers, Fat Bastard, Mike Myers, amazon.com