24 Of The Funniest 'All That' Quotes From Vital Information For Your Every Day Life

“Wearing perfume makes you smell nice, unless you're wearing a perfume called "Le Skunk, De Poop".”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“It's nice to help your mom clean the kitchen. It's not nice to hit foreign people over the head with farm animals.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“It's not nice to buy a gallon of blue paint, wait till your mom falls asleep, paint her, and then say, "What's the matter, Mama? Feeling blue?”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“If you have a pizza delivered, it's nice to tip the pizza man a dollar. It's not nice to say, "Hey, thanks for the pizza...could you help me put it in my pants?”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“It's rude to talk with your mouth full. It's even ruder to talk with a mouthful of baby squirrels.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“It's no fun to go to the dentist, especially if your dentist pushed you down a flight of stairs.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“You are what you eat. I am thirteen tacos and a stick of butter.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“If you're on a first date, it's a bad idea to say, "So, what's the biggest loogie you've ever hocked up?”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“It's rude to walk up to an old person and say, "Hey, has your face always looked like that, or have you just been underwater for the last twenty years?”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“Homework bad, pizza good.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“To get your teacher's attention, it's a bad idea to scream " Hey look over here you freakish animal”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“If your phone rings, pick it up. If your butt rings, see a doctor.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“If it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad, then it might be... this old burrito!”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“It's easy to milk a cow. It's weird to milk a toothless hippie named Maurice.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“Girls don't like it when boys take their sandwich and run away screaming, 'Hey, look who's got your sandwich now.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“Never kick a man when he's down. Just look at him and scream, 'Hey, get up, you down on the ground weirdo.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“If your bra is too tight, it's uncomfortable. If you're a boy and your bra is too tight, I'm uncomfortable.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“Girls, it's a bad idea to fill your bra with water and goldfish and then tell people you've invented the 'Double Cup Aquarium.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“All is fair in love and war. All is smelly in a closet full of baboons.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“Revenge is sweet- not as sweet as 10 pounds of sugar.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“Breaking up is hard to do. Breaking a dozen eggs with a sledgehammer is fun.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“If you're telling a guy a story and he starts to choke, don't say, 'look dude, I'm right in the middle of a story.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“At fine restaurants, it's considered rude to butter yourself.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com

“If you're on a first date with somebody, never stick your finger in their spaghetti, twirl it and holler, 'Lookie date, I'm makin sketti circles.”

— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com