“They all have their little nicknames; however, I prefer to use the names their parents gave them, the names society will recognize them by.”— Louis Sachar, Dr. Pendanski, Tim Blake Nelson, imdb.com
“Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? Patrick: Not until 4.”— Patrick Star, Sandy Cheeks, amazon.com
“Squidward: If that was you on the phone and you on the bus then who was flickering the lights. Nosferatu”— Squidward, amazon.com
“Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument. Squidward: No Patrick mayonnaise is not an instrument...Horseradish is not an instrument either.”— Patrick Star, amazon.com
“Wearing perfume makes you smell nice, unless you're wearing a perfume called "Le Skunk, De Poop".”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“It's not nice to buy a gallon of blue paint, wait till your mom falls asleep, paint her, and then say, "What's the matter, Mama? Feeling blue?”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“If you have a pizza delivered, it's nice to tip the pizza man a dollar. It's not nice to say, "Hey, thanks for the pizza...could you help me put it in my pants?”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“It's rude to talk with your mouth full. It's even ruder to talk with a mouthful of baby squirrels.”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“It's no fun to go to the dentist, especially if your dentist pushed you down a flight of stairs.”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“It's rude to walk up to an old person and say, "Hey, has your face always looked like that, or have you just been underwater for the last twenty years?”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“If it looks bad, smells bad, and tastes bad, then it might be... this old burrito!”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“It's easy to milk a cow. It's weird to milk a toothless hippie named Maurice.”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“Girls don't like it when boys take their sandwich and run away screaming, 'Hey, look who's got your sandwich now.”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“Never kick a man when he's down. Just look at him and scream, 'Hey, get up, you down on the ground weirdo.”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“If your bra is too tight, it's uncomfortable. If you're a boy and your bra is too tight, I'm uncomfortable.”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“Girls, it's a bad idea to fill your bra with water and goldfish and then tell people you've invented the 'Double Cup Aquarium.”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com
“All is fair in love and war. All is smelly in a closet full of baboons.”— Lori Beth Denberg, amazon.com