“'Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrees. I call sandwiches sammies, sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers. Air conditioners are cool blasterz, with a z. I don't know where that came from. I call cakes big ol' cookies. I call noodles long-ass rice. Fried chicken is fri-fri chicky-chick. Chicken parm is chicky chicky parm parm. Chicken cacciatore? Chicky catch. I call eggs pre-birds, or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks...food rakes.”
More from Alan Yang
“Well, sometimes I blamed you for being in the way of me becoming this hypothetical…”
“You weren't the problem. I was. It was just a lot easier to blame you.”
“If dead people get hangovers, I'm fucked.”
“The only person you ever cared about is yourself.”