“I've been like a mother to that girl. I've locked her in her room, told her she was fat, and once I even left her in a store!”
More from Alex Herschlag
“OK, Rule number 1: Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of…”
“Karen: You wouldn't happen to have a breath mint, would you? Lady: Why, yes, I do. It's in…”
“That’s like saying Pradas are just shoes, or vodka is just a morning beverage!”
“Oh my God, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?”