“So kids, if you want presents from Schmanta this year, don't put out milk and cookies, put…”

“In a hundred years, when there’s a million jerks riding around Manhattan drunk in limos,…”

“Sorry I took so long. I farted pulling into the driveway and I just wanted to enjoy it for…”

“An above ground sprinkler on the front lawn! No sir! What's next, prostitutes rising out…”