Stan: Don't play dumb! You know she's stripping. Showing people her Ho Hos, her Ding Dongs, her Suzie Q's, her...her...uh...aw, God, what...what are those called...? Those little, uh... pink with coconut...? They're really good.... Jeff: Her Sno-Balls? Stan: You bastard!

Playing Dumb Stripping Bastard

From “Homeland Insecurity”

Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired, then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex.

Gun Point John Woo shot Guns Sex

From “Bullocks to Stan”

Hayley: What do you want, Jeff? Jeff: I've been drinking all night so I could get up the courage to tell you you're my woman. And I demand you come back. Hayley: No. Jeff: Okay. Bye.

Refusal Woman Demand bye Rejection

Francine: It's just a CIA carnival. Why are we folding napkins? Stan: Because they'll be food and my boss likes to wipe his mouth on swans

folding napkins CIA Carnival Wipe Your Mouth Swans

From “A Smith in the Hand”

Steve: So you're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage? Stan: That's right. Or angels will kill you.

Sex Sex Before Marriage Angels Death Sin

Steve: Dad! There you are! Stan: Of-Of course I'm here. Wh-Where would I be? Alone? Touching myself? Steve: Yeah, right. Only perverts and Democrats do that.

Alone Touching Myself Perverts Democrats masturbation

From “It's Good to be the Queen”

A car is simply a means of transporting pizzas. Thankfully the pizzas survived for they contain the dough... of life.

Car Pizza dough Life

From “Roger 'n Me”

Now that the seeds of mistrust are sprouting, we must harvest them.

Mistrust seeds Sprouting harvest Metaphor

From “Helping Handis”

Waitress: Breadsticks, courtesy of table four. Stan: Thanks, fellas, thank you. Wave to the nice men, Steve. Not too eager, son, they just bought us bread; they didn't let us take the Jag out for a spin.

Courtesy Wave eager Bread Jag

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