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Stan Smith (voice)

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All Sex (4)upset (3)Diss (3)Gun (2)CIA (2)lying (2)Money (2)Life (2)lost (2)bathroom (2)Wipe Your Mouth (1)Instructions (1)Dinner (1)Murderous (1)Introduce (1)

From “Stan Knows Best”

Stan: Don't play dumb! You know she's stripping. Showing people her Ho Hos, her Ding Dongs, her Suzie Q's, her...her...uh...aw, God, what...what are those called...? Those little, uh... pink with coconut...? They're really good.... Jeff: Her Sno-Balls? Stan: You bastard!

Playing Dumb Stripping Bastard

From “Homeland Insecurity”

Oh, not this old bit. You point a gun at me, I pretend I'm gonna do what you say, then I pull out my gun, we do our little John Woo standoff, inevitably your arm gets tired, then you drop your gun and we have nobody-got-shot sex.

Gun Point John Woo shot Guns Sex

From “Bullocks to Stan”

Francine: It's just a CIA carnival. Why are we folding napkins? Stan: Because they'll be food and my boss likes to wipe his mouth on swans

folding napkins CIA Carnival Wipe Your Mouth Swans

From “A Smith in the Hand”

Steve: So you're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage? Stan: That's right. Or angels will kill you.

Sex Sex Before Marriage Angels Death Sin

From “Stan of Arabia”

I'm find us a satellite so we can watch Lost when I get home. Just because we're stuck in this wasteland doesn't mean it's not Wednesday!

lost Satellite TV Stuck Wasteland

From “Not Particularly Desperate Housewives”

Stan: Damn it, Roger! I've told you a million times: No smoking in the house! Roger: And I told you it's menthol. So it's healthier than an apple.

smoking healthy Apple Menthol

A cult of murderous housewives. Before 9/11, I wouldn't have believed it. Or at least I'd ask you some follow-up questions. But that's just not the world we live in anymore.

Murderous Cult World We Live In 9/11

From “Finances With Wolves”

Hmm... 'Boil water.' What am I, a chemist?

Cooking Boil Water Instructions Chemist

From “Helping Handis”

Waitress: Breadsticks, courtesy of table four. Stan: Thanks, fellas, thank you. Wave to the nice men, Steve. Not too eager, son, they just bought us bread; they didn't let us take the Jag out for a spin.

Courtesy Wave eager Bread Jag

From “Camp Refoogee”

Ahh, basil and snail poison; the sweet smell of summer.

Gardening Basil snail poison Summer Smells Like Summer

So this is a refugee camp? I have to say, not that bad. There's sun, sand - it's like Arizona. But here they probably celebrate Martin Luther King Day.

Refugee Sun Sand Arizona Martin Luther King Day

From “Dungeons and Wagons”

Francine: I feel like we're in a rut. Stan: A good rut, like 200 years of democracy or a bad rut, like UNICEF?

rut Democracy Good Bad UNICEF

From “Of Ice and Men”

Ah, Saturday. Sunday's Friday.

Weekend Friday Saturday Sunday

From “Bush Comes to Dinner”

Lies. It's like you have to lie to live. You're a lie-abetic. You have lie-abetes. Twice a day, you have to take a shot of insu-lyin'.

Lies Life lying Living a Lie Puns

From “American Dream Factory”

Hayley: What happened to the land of the free? These people have the right to be here. Stan: People? They're parasites sucking on the rich blood of America. And we need that blood to shed for oil.

Land of the free Parasites America Blood oil

From “An Apocalypse to Remember”

Oh, I tell a great story and I'm a liar, but Harry Potter does it and he's your favorite writer.

Liar Harry Potter Favorite writer Story

Can you believe we're going to meet Denzel Washington! He's like Harrison Ford dipped in chocolate!

Denzel Washington Harrison Ford chocolate

From “The Magnificent Steven”

You boys see these owls? Get out of here, owls! Stop pecking at my face! I will not buy your encyclopedias! I can't read your language, I can only speak it.

Owls Pecking Encyclopedias Read face

From “Joint Custody”

None of us get to choose our fathers, but we do get to choose our father figures. I chose my mother. That set me back a bit.

Fathers Father Figure mother Choice

From “The Most Adequate Christmas Ever”

Just because snow is the same color as our refrigerator, doesn't mean you know how it works.

Snow Diss Refrigerator appliances How it works

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