“Alex: OK, let's do this. What's my gay category?
Derrick: OK, you're a twink, but I've seen you eat so you're a sloppy twink, which is not as much fun as it sounds. Penny, you drink a lot, you are really loud and you have a lot of embarrassing stories about dating. Bitch, you are a hag.
Penny: But I used to be a beard so I take that as a win.”
More from David Caspe
“It's better to be memorable than boring.”
“Hey, forgetti and meatballs, Jason Bourne called, and he says he remembers more stuff than…”
“Ghosts are real. Just like warlocks and doulas.”
“Okay, as someone who's dated enough gay guys to earn the nickname 'will she ever learn?,'…”