“I'm sorry... And if it is any consolation, I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since Wednesday... morning!”
More from Diablo Cody
“Love conquers all. Have you not seen The Graduate?”
“Tara: Kate! I did not raise you to let boys who wear pigtails push you around. Benjamin…”
“What if I want to pray the gay to stay?”
“I wonder if the baby's claws could scratch your vag on the way out?”